Two rounds*; must be completed in five minutes or less.
Warmup – Start yelling warnings that it’s almost time to leave. Repeat until children move (rare) or there is seriously no more time.
- Pull long pants off child; work on mobility by avoiding kicks to the arms and face.
- Give pants to child to put in hamper. Alternate: Just take them there yourself; it’s easier than picking them up off the floor later.
- Deadlift child to table; remember to hinge at the hips and engage the glutes to avoid lower back injury.
- Pull left shin guard on; improving dexterity will result in fewer complaints about scratchy velcro straps. Repeat for right side.
- Pull on left soccer sock. Repeat for right side.
Special Equipment: Specially formulated socks that seem simultaneously way too big and far too tight; designed to improve grip strength.
- Shove left foot into cleats; you want motion that swings out and up to grip the heel. Repeat for right side.
Challenge: Prepare cleats with double-knotted laces, preferably wet. Increases dexterity and tests stress response.
- Lower child from table in goblet squat position.
- Repeat “Do not bounce that ball in the house!!!” – continue to failure/fatigue.
Cooldown – Choose from:
- Chase children to car and buckle in. Practice belly breathing on drive to soccer field to prepare to greet other parents with a smile.
- Thank partner profusely for taking this one for the team. Shut door behind the mob and feel your shoulder muscles relax.
- Run soccer bag to car for partner who forgot and had to turn around. Smile anyway because the house is still quiet.
*Increase as needed for appropriate number of children, but frankly if you have to get more than two ready for a practice at the same time, you should win the CrossFit Mom games. Or at least get a silver.