My husband Paul and I took a body blow at the end of one September. We’d had a baby boy in adoptive placement in our home for two months, thinking he would be ours forever, and then one day we knew he wouldn’t. We surrendered him back to the arms of the young woman who… Continue reading The Unexpected Grace of Pumpkins
Category: Grief
A Goodbye Too Soon
My friend’s daughter died yesterday. She was a college student. I only met her a few times, but she was beautiful and she was smart and she was full of the joy of life. She had cystic fibrosis. Her lungs stopped working. Lots of CF patients have double lung transplants. Some of them have the… Continue reading A Goodbye Too Soon
Backward and Forward
Four years ago today, my mother died. Today is pretty good. Yesterday was pretty bad. Yesterday, I wanted to crawl under my desk, turn off the lights, and shut the door to my office. I didn't. I had a Dairy Queen Blizzard for lunch instead. I got home and waved the babysitter away, and stretched… Continue reading Backward and Forward
Watching Headlines
I ran by the grocery store yesterday to get a few things for Memorial Day. We're having a pretty quiet day, but my sister takes our boys to the cemetery for the 21-gun salute every year, and we have breakfast when they come back. I hadn't planned a thing, so I was picking up last-minute… Continue reading Watching Headlines
Elephants, and Friends
It's been kind of a rough day. I've spent a lot of time trying not to cry, which is exhausting and, at least for me, ultimately futile. I have no dire news; nothing has happened to me or my immediate family. But one way or another, a lot of people I care about are in… Continue reading Elephants, and Friends
Sicky, Sicky Boy
Elias was home sick from school today. (He’s fine. Also he’s not contagious.) I took him to express care and let the chatter in the waiting room wash over us without taking much of it in. He sat next to me on a Naugahyde loveseat and burrowed into my armpit. I reached around to rub… Continue reading Sicky, Sicky Boy
Mourning
I was at two funerals yesterday. It was a long day. The two services were different, and they were the same. Both men will be missed terribly. I think sometimes it can be confusing to be on the periphery of grief. Mostly if you're in the center, you know your role. Your role is to… Continue reading Mourning
Oh, That Again
For a person who spends a fair amount of time examining the workings of her own brain and then posting them on the internet, I am sometimes not very self-aware. Over the past week, I have been sleeping fitfully, trying to keep myself from eating everything in sight, and maintaining a tenuous grip on my… Continue reading Oh, That Again
Of Goodness
My cousin Larry died last night. This is in no way a shock; he had been in a nursing home for years. Larry was 70 years old, I think. For 63 of those years, he was in a wheelchair. Larry contracted polio when he was seven, in the early 50s, right before the first vaccine came on the… Continue reading Of Goodness
Remembrance
I'm not always great with dates. I've mentioned before that anniversaries sometimes sneak up on me. I am convinced that this is not an actual decline in cognitive ability, but the fact that I am trying to remember roughly 1000 things at any given time. (Just nod and smile.) So last night when I slid… Continue reading Remembrance