It's been kind of a rough day. I've spent a lot of time trying not to cry, which is exhausting and, at least for me, ultimately futile. I have no dire news; nothing has happened to me or my immediate family. But one way or another, a lot of people I care about are in… Continue reading Elephants, and Friends
Category: Grief
Sicky, Sicky Boy
Elias was home sick from school today. (He’s fine. Also he’s not contagious.) I took him to express care and let the chatter in the waiting room wash over us without taking much of it in. He sat next to me on a Naugahyde loveseat and burrowed into my armpit. I reached around to rub… Continue reading Sicky, Sicky Boy
Mourning
I was at two funerals yesterday. It was a long day. The two services were different, and they were the same. Both men will be missed terribly. I think sometimes it can be confusing to be on the periphery of grief. Mostly if you're in the center, you know your role. Your role is to… Continue reading Mourning
Oh, That Again
For a person who spends a fair amount of time examining the workings of her own brain and then posting them on the internet, I am sometimes not very self-aware. Over the past week, I have been sleeping fitfully, trying to keep myself from eating everything in sight, and maintaining a tenuous grip on my… Continue reading Oh, That Again
Of Goodness
My cousin Larry died last night. This is in no way a shock; he had been in a nursing home for years. Larry was 70 years old, I think. For 63 of those years, he was in a wheelchair. Larry contracted polio when he was seven, in the early 50s, right before the first vaccine came on the… Continue reading Of Goodness
Remembrance
I'm not always great with dates. I've mentioned before that anniversaries sometimes sneak up on me. I am convinced that this is not an actual decline in cognitive ability, but the fact that I am trying to remember roughly 1000 things at any given time. (Just nod and smile.) So last night when I slid… Continue reading Remembrance
Goodbyes
You guys, December is winning. This is my Uncle Everett, back in 1944, when he was ten years old. He died in the wee hours this morning. A couple of people have asked me today if we were close, and I'm not sure how to answer that. The answer is likely no, at least in… Continue reading Goodbyes
Holding the Baby
Our friends Matt and Katie have a new baby. I was sitting here looking at his picture and blissing out on his cheeks - Is there anything better than fresh baby cheeks? - and I got to thinking about the last time they had a new baby. It was in the spring of 2014 and I remember this because right… Continue reading Holding the Baby
Anniversaries
Anniversaries are funny. Some of them are lovely and come with cake, but some of them sneak up on you while you are going along minding your own business and whack you over the head. On Sunday, it will be two years since my mother died. There won't be cake. It wasn't until my neck muscles all… Continue reading Anniversaries
You Can
We were at the CF center this morning (regular checkup; all's well). Because of infection control stuff, we don't see much of other patients and families. Sometimes you see people you know in the hall and wave goofily from a safe distance. (You can occasionally determine by text that your friends are a couple of rooms… Continue reading You Can