Weekly Housekeeping Progression

Not intended as advice. Like, OBVIOUSLY.


Monday

  • sweep up a few toast crumbs and grains of rice under the kitchen table
  • check kitchen sink and clear it out immediately
  • perform quick check of bathrooms to verify they are still odor-free and there are no large globs in the sinks
  • gently remind children to pick up the smattering of toys in the living room, stopping to admire the vacuum lines still visible in the low-traffic areas
  • load well-rinsed dishes into the dishwasher
  • start a load of laundry so things don’t get out of control
  • wash pots and pans by hand; towel dry anything that will get funny water spots on it
  • go to bed with a clean kitchen, clear counters, and a well-deserved sense of accomplishment and control

Quote of the Day
Thank you for emptying the dishwasher this morning, honey! It really helps!

Wednesday

  • sift through pile of school papers on the kitchen counter, trying not to throw away any actual homework or medical forms
  • wrestle a pot handle into a delicate position between two plates, shutting the dishwasher quickly but firmly so it doesn’t fall; repeat as needed for success
  • open washing machine and sniff; run the rinse cycle
  • decide to sweep the kitchen floor in the morning because what is the point
  • tamp down the rising sense of panic upon entering the kitchen (chocolate works well for this)

Quote of the Day
Can no one else pick that up? Seriously? Do you just not SEE it somehow?

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Friday

  • sweep enough food from under the table to wonder whether you could cut grocery expenses by 10% if you just made the children eat off the floor a couple of times a week
  • paw through dry laundry looking for two boys’ socks that are at least close to the same
  • give up; tomorrow’s Saturday

Quote of the Day
Please remember to flush. PLEASE!! I am begging you.

Saturday

  • rinse breakfast forks under very hot water after digging them out from the bottom of the sink so everyone can eat
  • walk into the boys’ bathroom; consider removing all wooden cabinets and purchasing a power washer
  • load the first of multiple dishwasher runs, ignoring the large pancake chunks on the bottom of the plates and the Hand Wash Only instructions on the pans purchased in a fit of madness
  • stand over children with cat o’nine tails until, sobbing, they have thrown everything on the living room floor haphazardly into the toy box
  • decide that the cobweb in the high corner behind the bookcase can wait until next week, no, for real next time
  • run washer and dryer so hard they don’t know what hit them, fold, put away; contemplate sending 2/3 of everyone’s clothes to Goodwill
  • fall onto couch with an oddly mixed sense of accomplishment, exhaustion, and desperation

Quote of the Day
Man. I feel so much better. I am NOT letting this happen again next week.

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