Family · Life

Dear Friend

Dear Friend:

I saw that you posted something yesterday, and I wanted to leave you an encouraging word, but your post disappeared. I think (and I’m projecting here) that you were worried that it might be seen as complaining in some way. I didn’t think it was, but I get that things can be misinterpreted, and I get why you might be cautious about that.

But I wanted to encourage you anyway, and if I missed the point and you’re fine, then maybe somebody else needs to see it. And maybe I just need to say it to myself.

It is completely normal to feel isolated and exhausted when you have a young child, or more than one of them. I have a supportive and involved husband. I have good friends. I have a sister that helps us out way more than is reasonable (like, WAY MORE). And still, sometimes all I want in the entire world is to go to the bathroom by myself. Or finish a conversation without having to rehash – for the eighth time that day – the guest list for a theoretical birthday party that is months away.

Children are relentlessly needy, bless their bottomless little souls. You can fall in and get lost in there.

I really, really wanted children. I worked really hard to get them. I wouldn’t trade them for all the cash in a casino. I know you. I know you are a good mom, and how much love you have in your heart, and that you will do what needs to be done.

It is okay to say that it is hard, and you are tired. It is okay to miss what it was like to not be a mom; to leave the house with a credit card and twenty bucks and your keys and not a care in the world except whether you should really have gone with the other sandals. I wish I could give you a hug, but here’s what I can do instead:

YES. You are totally normal. And also (this is a projection too, since I’m not there yet): This will pass. Then it will be something else, but at least it will be different, right? (RIGHT?!?)

And finally, this: I love you. You rock. I hope today is better.

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