Elias-to-English Dictionary

It’s possible that you may run into an Elias in the wild, as you’re going about your normal business. It can be difficult to determine what the Elias is trying to communicate. Many words in the Elias lexicon sound exactly the same as English words, but have different – and perhaps even oppositional – meanings.


To help, we’ve assembled this small Elias-to-English dictionary explaining a few key phrases. If you study it carefully and practice responses, you may be able to retain the food on your own plate and finish a thought of more than 10 seconds, even in the face of a full-on Elias offensive.

May the farce be with you.


  • This is going to make me puke.
    I don’t know what made you think I would eat this. Oh, the fact that it’s my favorite food? And I ate four man-size helpings of it last time? Amateur.
  • Beanie hitted me and made me bleed!
    • Levi hit me and my nose is bleeding.
    • I ran into the door all by myself, but I want my brother to get into a lot of trouble.
    • (rare) My nose is bleeding. It was a genuine accident.
  • It’s SO HOT! Ohhhhhh, my mouth is burning!!!!!
    My food is one degree Fahrenheit above room temperature.
  • LET ME IN!!!!
    No, you may NOT go to the bathroom by yourself.
  • I’m freezing, I’m freezing, I’m freeeeeeeeeezing!
    • I’m very cold.
    • A mild breeze has touched the bare skin of my leg.
  • *sob* Why did you leave me?
    You are not in exactly the same place I last saw you. This is very upsetting. Even if you have only moved to the next room.
  • What does S-T-O-P spell?
    I feel that you are not paying any attention to me, and I know this is a question you will answer, because it’s educational. (Any simple word or acronym may be substituted to similar effect.)
  • I love you.
    • Please don’t go into the bedroom. Seriously, just don’t.
    • You have scary eyes right now. Remember how cute I am?
    • I really want to interrupt you, and this is the only thing I can think of that won’t get me in trouble.
    • (less rare than you might think) I love you.

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